Is it duty? Is it intimacy? What does God want?
Susan Pons – Train to Reign Family Program Day 2 Week 1
I and the Father are one. (John 10:30)
For this reason, a man shall leave father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. (Matthew 19:5)
…For the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready. (Revelations 10:9)
Duty: 1) a sense of obligation; 2) what a person ought to do; 3) a task or job; 4) work that you are demanded to perform for moral or legal reasons.
Obviously, this is not what any of us anticipates when beginning the marriage relationship. But somehow, over the years, a shift in perspective can begin to take root. But, really, how meaningful is it to be married to someone who looks upon his or her marriage as just an obligation or a duty? Or how meaningful is it to serve God, who just demands one more task from us without any love or encouragement to support it? Duty alone, after months or years, leads to frustration and burnout, whether with God or our spouses.
Intimacy: 1) very familiar; 2) involving or resulting from close familiarity; 3) most personal; 4) deep; 5) resulting from careful study.
These meanings are most incredible in the context of relationship! How wonderful is it to be married to someone who has this type of intimacy in view—during all of life’s duties. Intimacy should be the motivating factor in all of life’s tasks – whether in our marriage or in our relationship with the Lord.
Please allow me an observation made through the years in listening to the cry of women:
Intimacy isn’t only referring to the sexual side of marriage. True intimacy involves so much more. When a spouse, usually the wife, is meeting her husband’s sexual needs only out of a sense of duty… something very valuable for the husband and the for the wife is missing in the relationship. God created the sexual drive to become a most important part of marriage.
There is another, equally important aspect that runs parallel with this truth. If a husband is tolerating the need for communicating or meeting the needs of his wife only out of a sense of duty instead of intimacy…the same is true.
Emotional and physicals needs are being met.
If we can just grasp the fact that God made us different in these ways so that we would learn to fulfill the needs of each other. Then, there is true satisfaction for the husband and the wife. From a man’s view of intimacy (there are exceptions), the sexual act fulfills his need for intimacy. For women, meaningful communication and placing her as a priority in his life (as Christ loved the Church) creates intimacy in its highest form for her.
So, in the marriage union, the conclusion is this…if a man desires for his wife to fulfill his needs sexually, communication, agreement, and involvement in his wife’s life will usher in a beautiful level of intimacy with his wife and will certainly enhance his needs. The wife, as well, will begin to embrace her husband in a new level of respect and completing his desires.
Intimacy, for the husband and for the wife will replace an atmosphere of stale duty in our relationship.
In our youthful years, what a regret to miss out on the wonder of simply holding hands, the enjoyment of getting to know each other as friends first (without ulterior expectations), or the innocent, growing anticipation of physically becoming one in that mysterious union called marriage. As the high calling of Godly morality and marriage have been erased from our culture, the beauty of intimacy has taken on a false and untruthful image. It was never, from the beginning meant to be this way.
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